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8 Ways To Make The First Date About YOU!

I find it pretty hilarious how so many of you are invested in any first date or general dating life. Whatever your reason for it, I am all for sharing my life in hopes it brings you a sense of peace and understanding in your own. And well it helps me know you are sometimes just as a mess as I am hehe.

This week’s blog is all about agreeing to a first date that benefits YOU!

Once, when I was so stressed out before a first date, I texted my best friend and said “What if he doesn’t like me?” to which she responded “Well what if YOU don’t like him?”

As A Recovering People Pleaser….

people pleasing head butt

Once, when I was so stressed out before a first date, I texted my best friend and said “What if he doesn’t like me?” to which she responded “Well what if YOU don’t like him?”

I remember being so confused with her reply, as if I didn’t believe my own thoguhts mattered, as long as he liked me.

When I look back on all the first dates I have been on before I addressed my people pleasing tendencies, I get really cringey. Because on every date I was never myself. I was someone who wanted to make the other person as happy as possible. I would agreed with whatever they said, I would ensure I looked perfect as possible in every single moment, and I would forget what even happened on the date because of how much I was in my own head (leading to my real lack of ability of noticing as to why it was not a match).  I was probably the least interesting person to be on a date with.

It’s All In The Intentions.

In each decision I make every day, I try my hardest to look at my intentions behind my choices. Why do I do the things I do? What outcome am I hoping to get from it? Am I doing this for myself or because it is what is expected of me? Am I doing this out of fear or joy?

Agreeing to go on a first date is hard enough as it is, so I want to make it as enjoyable as possible for myself no matter the outcome! The way we choose to spend our time is probably one of the most important decisions we get to make.

Below are 8 ways you can set your dating intentions too 🙂

8 Ways To Make The First Date About YOU!

first date list wants

1. Create A List Of What You Are Looking For

The amount of humans on dating apps is INSANE. I find it so tedious and exhausting that I end up swiping really quickly based on a very limited amount of information and come back later to realize that all my matches are people I seriously don’t vibe with.

Going into online dating and dating in general with a list of what you are looking for is setting yourself up for success, as well as, saving you time. Now it would be a bit self sabotagey to make a super detailed and limiting list. We still have to remain open. But jotting down a few key things you are looking for will help you make more intentional swipes and get you on a first date you actually want to be on.

Here are a few examples on my own list: Non-smoker, Active, Likes Dogs, Open To Having Kids, Taller than 5’9 👀

first date ideas

2. Agree To An Activity You Actually Want To Do

Since it is rare for me to choose to leave the house and it’s kind of a requirement in going on a first date, I might as well make the most of it! Screw sitting down for dinner and drinks! 2023 is all about living life to the fullest. Obviously a first date needs to 1) be in a safe public space and 2) have a time limit ie. an escape route if things aren’t going well.

For me, I love a good mid-morning coffee and walk date. It contributes to my daily step count, I get my morning caffeine, and I have the rest of the afternoon to myself rather than stressing all day for a night-time date. Other fun ideas could be going for donuts, trying a new activity like pickle ball, or going on a bike ride! For rainy days, sitting at a cafe for an hour max is also not terrible 🙂

first date cozy

3. Dress For Yourself

I use to get REALLY stressed about what I was going to wear on a first date. In the past, I was super self-conscious about the way I looked, let alone worried that I would not live up to the pictures on my dating profile. I also used to wear super tight restrictive clothing because I thought looser clothes covered my curves and made me seem bigger than I am.

Wearing an outfit that makes YOU happy not only gives you an extra spark of confidence but it will be a hell of a lot comfier. Since I love my coffee and walk dates, I can happily gor for my classic leggings, sneakers, and hoodie look. If it goes to further dates and I need to be a bit more fancy, I will still go for loose fitting pants, a nice top and booties..

In summary: Loose. Pants. Always.

first date dating job resume

4. Treat It Like A Job Interview

And YOU are the employer!

Referring back to the list you created from #1, a first date is really the only way we can learn if this person is a good fit or not. Just like a job interview, it needs to be mutually beneficial. Does this person match up with what is important to you? How do they make YOU feel? You already know how great you are so it’s time to make sure they are going to enhance YOU rather than diminish.

(Obviously a relationship is not all about what they can give you, but the first date is 100% a time to be a bit more selfish in terms of your needs)

5. Follow Your Heart

This one is really difficult for me. Sometimes I get so caught up in the pressure and shame of being single for as long as I have been that I tend to find myself settling or listening to others rather than following my own intuition. Whether it’s family, friends, being a constant third-wheel, or facing judgement from others who don’t understand why you are single “because you are so pretty”, don’t let that be a reason you agree to go on a first date with someone.

It also helps no one if we lead someone on by trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, even though our gut knows we are not interested.

Be patient. There is no perfect timeline to when a relationship needs to enter your life. Sometimes we must work on ourselves first before our person can even come into view.

6. Find gratitude in the practice

Sometimes a date will go horribly. That is inevitable. But even after going on a date where it ended up not being a good match, I always feel so proud of myself for even going. Each time it reminds me how strong and bad ass I am for doing something so scary.

Anxiety will always find a way to talk yourself out the date if you let it. Yes there is listening to your gut but there is also listening to your anxiety. It takes time to be able to decipher the two.

If you find it challenging, imagine yourself cancelling the date and seeing how that makes you feel. Do you feel at ease in your decision or do you feel an instant rush of relief followed by regret?

asking for help

7. Ask For Help

With my anxiety and hermit status, there is a reason I have been single for so long. The way my brain works and my stubbornness (taurus baby) actively makes it harder for me to figure out dating and relationships on my own. Often when I am talking to a match, I look for any possible red flag so I don’t have to continue the conversation and actually meet up on a first date. The problem is that I really want to meet someone, so this just does not work.

Sometimes I can’t trust my own mind. As a result, I have started to ask my friends and therapist for advice. I don’t always listen to what they have to say but it does give me a chance to slow down and really see the situation for what it is.

Reach out to someone you trust who is a good listener, understands you, & has your best interests at heart. Even just talking about it, whether they give you helpful advice or not, may give you better clarity of the situation and help towards a better first date.

first date self love

8. Keep Trying, But For Yourself

If you are single and a relationship is something you are striving towards right now, then don’t be disheartened that a first date or relationship has not worked out yet. One thing to keep an eye on is dating burnout. I find I am incredibly fatigued after going on a bad first date, so opening up the apps again to start from square one is daunting. I like to take a few days to recoup before jumping back on there.

It also helps to check-in with the motivation behind your desire for a relationship. Are there expectations from an outside source? Is there increasing pressure as you get older? Are you truly doing this for yourself? Making sure you have the right intentions will take the focus off scarcity, make the experience a lot less stressful, and give you a chance to have fun meeting some fascinating new people.


Happy dating out there! Let me know in the comments below if you found this blog helpful and let me know any other topics you want to hear more on! xx

Read more by Christine Laraine:

Spring Cleaning Promotes “Tossing Out” Culture

The Red Flags Series: Dating Apps

Meditation Is For Everyone, But Especially For Those That Hate it.

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