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a personal journey

Why I Hate Being An “Influencer”.

influencer

THAT is some hella click bate I must stay. But it’s true.

It is hard to understand the lifestyle of online creators, because from the outside gaze, I have been told it seems pretty easy. Take photos, write a caption, click a button to post, and get paid.

You may know that I took a week off from IG to focus on why my thoughts were pulling me into depression and anxiety anytime I tried to move forward in my entrepreneurship. I began seeing creating as a chore and I started dreading to do the things that come with this job that I used to love. 

It is hard to understand the lifestyle of online creators, because from the outside gaze, I have been told it seems pretty easy. Take photos, write a caption, click a button to post, and get paid.

But what you do not see is the crippling self-doubt creators face when seeing other creators create “something better”, the pressure of multi-tasking with a more stable paying part-time job, the months that go by waiting to receive payment from brands, the lack of mentors and individuals a creator can go to for advice, and the stigma of it not being a real job. 

I haven’t even began to speak on the daily tasks of being an online creator:

  • the never ending “do hashtags work” confusion 
  • the war against the algorithm
  • writing eye-catching captions 
  • seeing yourself lose followers without understanding how to fix it
  • being expected to stay relevant
  • posting everyday
  • negative opinions and trolls 
  • contacting brands and hearing nothing back 98% of the time
  • signing contracts & creating content for brands 
  • pre- and post-production of ADs
  • stressing about shadow banning or account being deleted
  • to always be ‘ON’

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When I first started out, I was so unaware of all of this that I was only creating for myself. When money got involved, things got a bit confusing I cannot lie. But what I know is that generally my  interests are quite different that what a stereotypical influencer is known for. Fast fashion makes me want to scream. I would choose to stay inside rather than be seen. It takes a lot of energy from me to be around people yet my job is to connect with people.

The next step is to expand, yet as I start to think of ways of how to create a bigger influence, possibly by writing a book or creating a line of my own, I flat out panic. And my self-doubt lead to depression, in which I feel so joy at all about anything. 

Have a week off made me realize how much of my time I actually spend trying to enhance my career rather than enhance my life. 

You are probably wondering ” well Christine, if this doesn’t make you happy, why not stop creating? Why not delete your account?” 

That’s a really good question and I have honestly considered it about three to four times. And yet here we are. Each time, I can sense in my gut that this is where I am supposed to be. I may have not figured out exactly the content that fuels my soul and makes me feel like I make a difference, but I know that I have a gift of connecting. A gift of creating, writing, photography. I also love to work with brands and do my own spin on their products/offerings. And I could only ever see me being my own boss. 

So yes I may hate the many roles expected from an influencer but there is so much I love about it. And I know there will come a day where I will successfully implement boundaries, completely redefine what being an influencer is to me, and move towards becoming the soul inspiring & successful creator I am meant to become.

A social media artist.

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